IN A MOMENT OF SELF-LOATHING

I too am waiting, O Radioactive Spider. Turn my tawdry finals week existence into a cool cover for my secret identity. Make my staying-up-late, sleeping-in, being-late-to-everything and being-generally-undependable tendencies into a heroic and tragic hidden sacrifice. Make me worth being--I'm doing a sucky job of it by myself!

Please?!?

(and yes, I know, this prayer should be directed elsewhere than a hypothetical spider. It's just that sometimes, it would be nice if things were that easy. I'd much rather fight super-villains than myself)