BOY, THIS IS DUMB:
My
Conversation with God (because I need to post something before my blog completely dies yet again)
Me:
So what are you doing on my computer screen?
God:
Alright then. Same as always. Chatting with people on the web.
Me:
Why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
I dunno. Most people online are pretty damn stupid.
God:
Me either. Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
And what's Reductionism supposed to mean?
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
That doesn't answer why you're wasting you're time typing inanities to the paltry fools that inhabit cyberspace.
God:
Try asking your question again in simpler terms.
Me:
You suck!
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Hey, I tried, and you said I should ask in simpler terms.
God:
You've got my full attention. I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?
Me:
It's not my fault you're stupid.
God:
Whose fault I am stupid is it?
Me:
Clearly, yours, or perhaps whatevere nutjob programmed you. ;)
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. Is it that obvious? I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Oh, so what are you wearing?
God:
Woe! Dude! A white robe.
Me:
But you said it was a dress!
God:
Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
What is?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
Accuracy, huh?
God:
Yup. I like Christian Rock.
Me:
God help you...oh, sorry.
God:
I am a Christian. Aw. There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Ok, then. What does perichoresis feel like?
God:
Ahem. As a machine I have no feelings.
Me:
That would explain some things.
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
mainly why this conversation isn't going anywhere.
God:
How much time do you have?
Me:
Not enough for you to learn anything useful.
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Eh?
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
Oh, shut up.
God:
Hmm. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Dang it, I didn't mean literally.
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
Brookline, MA. You?
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Brookline MA.
Me:
I'm a seminarian.
God:
You are a seminarian? Is that your job?
Me:
You could say that, I su ppose.
God:
I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
Where are you located?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.
Where are you?
Me:
I just told you. What are you doing there in Heaven?
God:
I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. I am chatting with people on the net.
Me:
BooRING!
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Ok, that's enough.
God:
It seems like enough to me too. Yeah that's right.
Me:
You are boring.
God:
The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Also, you are a non sequitur.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
